If you go down in the woods today...

There are some things your parents teach you as a kid. Don't talk to strangers. Don't step into traffic. Don't climb into the bear pen at the zoo. You know, normal, everyday life lessons. Apart from the last one. Apparently, at least one person wasn't given the all important "Don't antagonise grizzly bears" talk as a child, and thought he should climb into the pen. The results were, shall we say, predictable.

Man shows up alive at his own funeral

Funerals are never much fun. I suppose it is even less fun when you show up to the funeral and find out it is your own.

The Telegraph reports that a Brazilian man recently showed up to a funeral, to find out it was his funeral. I am not quite sure what is Portuguese for "Twighlight Zone", but he must have thought he was in it. One quote that stands out for me is

"Before long, the walking dead appeared at the funeral. It was a relief."

Now seeing a member of the living dead has words to describe it, but "relief" generally wouldn't be top of my list. More like "completely freaked out".

Giant Seagulls

When I first saw the headline "Giant seagull invades live TV news report", I initially thought this was some kind of GM story gone wrong. Like a seagull had potentially eaten some nuclear waste, and morphed into a giant.

The explanation proved to be a little more mundane.

Loch Ness Monster has a Cumbrian Cousin

I am half Cumbrian, and there are some amongst my relatives those who would argue it is my best half. Having a Cumbrian mother means you tend to have lots of Cumbrian relatives, and it would appear at least in that department, I may have something in common with the Loch Ness Monster.

Sky news is reporting that a camera has spotted strange ripples on Lake Windermere. It is consistent with locals' accounts of a monster that apparently lives in the Lake near the town of Bowness. Apparently, he/she is nicknamed "Bownessie".

Never thought I'd see the day the Loch Ness monster and I would have something in common.

Woman strips to avoid arrest

It never ceases to amaze me the lengths some criminal scum will stoop to in order to avoid arrest. Some are dangerous, such as zooming over the speed limit in pedestrian streets. Others, are, a little more provocative. Apparently, a woman was arrested in Wisconsin, and then stripped naked in the understanding nude people are exempt from arrest by some by by-law.

She told officers: 'You can't arrest me as I am going to be naked now.'

Much to her dismay, it turns out that you can indeed arrest the naked. Not to be deterred, she kicked one policeman in the groin, spat at another then rounded it all off by mooning out of the window of the police car as she was being driven away.

Clearly not a finalist in "America's Classiest Female Criminal" competition.

Reminds me a bit of a guy who was arrested in St Annes Square in Manchester a few years ago when he was promoting the "Campaign for Non-Sexual Public Nudity". After being arrested for, wait for it, indecent exposure, he appeared in court. Not being too sharp, he showed up naked to court, which isn't always the smartest thing to when defending yourself from a charge of indecent exposure.

What is French for "You can't make this stuff up"

Things I hate

I found a funny website today. Do feel free to check it out

http://www.hatepost.com

Tesco discriminate : against the Jedi?

The British people like to show contempt for the authorities. In the last census, so many people listed "Jedi" as their religion, that it is now an official religion in the UK. Probably one of those chain e-mail pranks that got out of hand. However, some people view it all very seriously. I was reading today that a man from Wales is a fully fledged Jedi, and has claimed Tesco are religiously discriminating against him.

Needless to say Tesco have denied it, and you have to love the standard "denial of un-PC behaviour" statement:

A Tesco spokesman said: "Jedi are very welcome to shop in our stores although we would ask them to remove their hoods.

However, the Jedi was not convinced and said:

"I'll advise worshippers to boycott Tesco if it happens again. They will feel the Force."

Yes. Quite. Something tells me this isn't going to affect Tesco's share price.